MataḥArt ~ Art with a Heart
"The art of living the ancient Vedas in today's society"
My mother gave birth to me on a Sunday at 17:45 under the blink of a half moon.
My parents baptised me with my name Brigitte, and shortly after I was given a number with which my government labels me.
My skin colour is light, freckled, my hair brownish, some days more wavy than others. My eyes are clear white with a gemstone that changes with my inner light from green, to blue, to grey … they are described as magical as I often make spells of joy and love with them.
Since my early childhood I always felt different from other girls. I never liked playing with dolls, wearing make up, high heals or "hanging out" in the shopping mall.
Instead, I loved lying in the grass gazing at cloud figurines or observing insect behaviours. I loved chasing cows, making camps in the cornfields and going for secret outdoor toilet programs.
I didn't quite became a professional gymnastics because of my physical issues I faced. Instead, I became a qualified Pilates and Yoga instructor to rehabilitate myself and worked for professional dancers.
I had one public stage performance where I once danced on stage as a part of my school fashion show.
I completed my studies in basic Architecture, Interior Design. I never worked officially as one but designed furniture and one interior for friends, which eventually I passed on to a young graduate architect.
I designed and created hand painted artworks and turned them into postcards, they sold like popcorn in the movie theater but choose not to peruse the Graphic Design path as a career simply because the value of manual crafting skills has been lost in a world of digitalization.
Besides expressing myself in any creative way, whether through writing, creating artworks or challenging my body I was always secretly intrigued by the subject "spirituality" and worshiping "something" but I wasn’t the Christian devotee which my grandfather would have loved me to be. I tried to be a part of the Church choir but was expelled with the quotation: "wrong voice". The surreal bible story never answered my questions about life and honestly I found it rather a depressing religion instead of the uplifting Hindu philosophy that suits me better.
In Hinduism our Great Mother Earth, Bhoomi Devi, she who nurtures our mind with oxygen, keeps our bodies moist and flexible with water; and grounds us with the grains she feeds us with is daily worshiped and praised. Of course not only in India but many other ancient tribal religions worship our Earth. Alongside her the Maha Pancha Bhuta's or the five great elements and the entire cosmos are a crucial part of this entire Hindu religion. A philosophy based on natural science which makes complete sense when one looks into the deeper meaning behind the complex symbolism of this colourful religion.
Throughout the course of the first half of my live, I was blessed with many live experiences where I explored different cultures with countless people who influenced me, inspired me and made me look at things differently. All of these encounters have intensely shaped to the person I am today.
Now, who am I today?
Today, I can say I am Indian in a foreign body or at least there is strong affiliation with this culture. As a teacher, a philosopher, a writer and an artist I use my creativity to survive. In heart, I am a self-developed and disciplined Yogini, perhaps I am a monk without an ashram and a creator of beautiful stories.
I am disciplined with my daily routine which starts before dawn and exist out of purification rituals, Yoga practices, praises and prayers to the creator, the destroyer and the preserver, Mother Earth, all our planets, and the entire universe. I love my solitude live and like to keep silent. Yes that's right I used to talk a lot, I still do when I do but nowadays I prefer silent communication and writing instead.
By chanting Vedic Mantra's, I feel a deeply rooted and connected with the divine energy these ancient scriptures transmit. Written in the poetic language of the Gods they describe the science and the law of nature and have the power to change ones entire life and system.
Since 2018, I committed myself to the practices of Brahmacharya which isn't quite easy without the guidance of a proper Guru, a Spiritual master or living outside an ashram where one isn't tempted by the many lures of live. Being depended on my faith in "God", the universe and the goodness of others can be quite a challenge that can only strengthen myself.
For one year, I created my ashram in my hotel room in Varanasi, a city were these ancient traditions and practices are kept alive. I taught myself various traditional Vedic practices and rituals by living among the local community and intensely absorbing their culture as well by observing the Vedic priests.
I have aspirations to deepen myself further in these divine studies and becoming a Vedic priest but since these practices are still not accepted by the priests in India it becomes another great challenge to exploit the "equal opportunities and woman rights."
Worship to me isn't a must nor a desire, but it is something what makes me feel real, what makes me feel complete. When I pray, I pay my gratitude to the Earth who nurtures me, to my parents for giving me life, to the many teachers I had for guiding me, for my inner wisdom, my intuition, to the people who served me. Even to those who cheated on me. So if you see me pray in or next to a water body, join me in silence or walk away and smile.
But who am I really and who are you?
I am nothing ... I am not more or less than you are. At times people don't see beyond our physical appearance. Yes, I am beautiful woman but I don't see what you see when you look at me. As I just expressed a little of myself above, I feel Indian but I don't look like one ... There are many layers of personalities and characters I already lived in this live and all is driven by what? My body? My mind? Or another source ...
The energy body, in human terminology understood as the soul, carries the memory of what we lived before and all of these are rising within me in this life I live today.
Now ask yourself, who are you?
and what is it that drives you to to what you are doing?